so...
i quit okcupid eons ago. with that said there has been this dude that texts me once a week since i quit looking to hang out. now i am a total fan of romance, playful, silly, monogamous, kissy beautiful love. i am...trust it. however i am not a fan of forcing the funk. i am 29 and single and i feel like some of my friends/family are puzzled by this. real talk...and clearly we are being real here since it's my fucking blog is that i do not envy...that's not the right word...let me think...i don't look at any couples around me and go awww i want that. none of them. and im not saying i dont know any great couples...because i do its just i dont want what they have. i want someone who is going to let me be me. 100% me. and thats a daunting task considering i am cray cray. i dont want to be butt buddies...i want boyfriend to understand that i am OBSESSED with my ladies and like to spend as much time with them as possible. i dont want him to correct my grammar mistakes or get annoyed that i dont like capital letters! i just realized i was in the middle of my blind date story and i got all a.d.d. on ya. my b.
so anyhoo..i was at the gym yesterday and i got a text saying hey meet you at 5 from okcupider. oooooh shaaaat i forgot we had plans. i try to cancel but boyfriend is already in route to the meeting place. F F F F F F F...i fly home, take the coldest shower ever...look like shiz and roll out the door. i get to the bar and text date with my stats: black dress, purple flats, wet hair.
now maybe this is reject-ish of me but i size up my dates within 10 minutes. the question remains the same. do i want to make out with you? now i feel like this is in a way completely shallow but hear me out folks its not as it seems. i THRIVE on witty banter. word play me all day and i.am.yours. word tango-ing is my fave and it will make you HOT in my book...HOTTTTTTT. so within the first 10 minutes boyfriend cracks a joke...a silly not funny one...and laughs. he laughs at his own joke. FAIL. i'm waiting for him to say something clever, something off the wall, something to make me think a wee bit. NA-DA. now i am on this cocktail date for over 2 hours. i chat, i border line unload...he proceeds to cut me off...whatevz. the thing is he was a nice dude and geeky which i totally dig yet i found myself hating him randomly throughout the night. he asked if i wanted to get something to eat i totally said i have to get up for the gym early (lamelamelamelame) and i bolt out of there.
i am open to the possibility of it all when it comes to dating...but i always have a better time with my friends. even when i was in love.
"i am open to the possibility of it all when it comes to dating...but i always have a better time with my friends. even when i was in love."
ReplyDeleteso..
um yea... I do too. I have been broken up with before because I wanted to "spend more time w friends then with him/her". ugh what. ev. I am me. I like my friends. I will not push them aside for anyone. You don't like it... there's the door. My friends have been in my life for 15+ years for a reason. I will quote Kurt Kobain now "I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." Word! I'm not a fake.
And don't feel shallow... everyone does that. Everyone looks at a person they are potentially going to date and immediately has some judgmental thoughts. Doesn't make you a bad person. "His teeth are crooked", "He is really short", etc. I do the same thing. And truthfully I think its just a defense mechanism to push people away because we are afraid of getting hurt. subconsciously I mean. We start to push away the relationship before it even begins because of the "fear of the unknown". Funny part is... I know I do it... yet I can't stop doing it. I fight my own thoughts sometimes.