its difficult to be strong

i am feeling myself slip into a depression.  i am completely aware of it.  it's getting harder to get out of bed in the morning...it's even getting harder to breathe.  i can feel my sister slipping away...i can feel her trying to come to terms with death and leaving this world behind.  i have never felt so broken or helpless. i want to be strong for my sister and my family but this is not ok.  a woman at 42 with three young kids and a passion for life should not have to deal with such an ugly disease.  she has a good attitude about it in a sense that she said her life as been an easy and good one.  she's had such good friends around her through her life that have made her laugh and smile through the years.  her family that she created with her husband is a fun one.  so many people in this world have had a rough go and they can still keep their chin up and smile.  i want to be one of those people.  i really am a lover of life and i am so thankful for the adventures and opportunities that present themselves.  it's hard to see that when such a strong powerful light in my life is going through living with breast cancer.  i want to be positive and a force i can't even fake the funk right now.